Hi dear bloggers.
it's been so long, way too lloonngggg i may say
well, since the last that i blogged, changes has taken place, way too many changes.
Work,
I have started working full time again
same company, just under a different branch
but again, i am asking for a transfer,
to be back where i feel like family instead of an outsider
i'm through feeling like that everyday right now.
of course, it is because of conflicts with the principal
that i am currently facing but still keeping my cool about it.
made a promise to myself to not make enemies.
well, working in this industry was never easy right?
especially the shit that we are currently experiencing as early childhood educators.
but still, my passion for kids never left.
i am still in love with sharing my knowledge with them.
seeing how they grow, feeling accomplished when they actually succeed in something
i guess, its the fruits of labour that keep us teachers going.
School,
yes, school is currently part time.
and i can say that i can salute those who has actually been doing this long term
i am surviving, but i am barely surviving that at times, i get so disappointed in myself.
it's hard when you're fighting for something, and at the same time, it doesn't permit you so
always thinking of changing the route, but i shouldn't even give up on the initial planss.
life is tough isn't it
Relationship,
i spend less time thinking about this,
cause it is not in my very top priority list
however, ever since the boy has ORD-ed
all he has been thinking about is our future
not his, but ours
every decision of his, has me a part of it
and i can never be thankful enough cause i dont' spend much time thinking about it
so for now, we are just taking things slow, and seeing what the future will bring us.
insyaAllah
Family,
my sister has gotten married
and of course things has changed
i have my own room now and i sleep by myself on my big bed
which i truly love, but at the same time, wish that my sister was still here.
but we all are growing up.
even Isaac is, and he is already done with Nlevels
i wanna see him excel
i wanna see him get the best education and i will definitely try to help when needed to make it smooth for him
all this is yet again, already planned by God.
but then, we can't wait for things to happen on it's own.
we work for it, work for things we want to achieve
with a little prayer, everything goes a long way
Amin
so here's my update till now
it's almost the end of 2013. i still can't believe how time is passing by so fast.
wish it could slow down a little
till then bloggers
xoxo,
Aqilah Oreth
cause it was you whom i fell in love with
♥ 7:14 PM
Friday, August 9, 2013
Happy eid mubarak to all the muslims in the world
2nd day of the festive season and i never felt as lonely as I could get.
As much as I spending my time crying and questioning what i got myself into
I've been counting my blessings instead that I have people I can count on to keep me sane.
Right now, I don't feel like that
but i feel like a burden
words saying
"you're the source of the unhappiness in the family"
"you're not contributing anything to the family" is ringing in my ears right now
and maybe i am not good enough to be in the family
I am praying hard for things to get better
but now, i have thought of a solution and that is to be away from the family
maybe it'll be less of a burden for them.
Still trying to figure out where I am going to stay, but till then,
I shall just keep quiet and accept those criticisms made to me.
I don't deserve to be here.
xoxo,
aqilahoreth
cause it was you whom i fell in love with
♥ 1:28 PM
Sunday, July 21, 2013
well who reads this right?
better off pouring my thoughts and feelings away.
i feel so heavy
i feel so insane
i feel like i'm losing myself and i most definitely will
i wonder how it feels like to right now be in my position
:(
working. studying. working
i know i wanted this
but to what extend?
i mean, afterall i'm still in my late teens
and i need to feel fun
before i'm tied down with anything else
honestly, part of me wants to pull back everything
give up on my dreams
if it means i'll be happier
i know all this hard work will pay off
but what if it doesnt
what if in the end, i don't see any light
and i'll just be unhappy throughout this whole journey
i mean come on, i still need fun
with friends
friends, i miss them
makes me ponder if i'm even a good friend anymore
maybe i deserve no one
i deserve just to be with myself
maybe that's what my parents want from me
i don't know what is expected from me anymore
till then, i'll continue trying to figure things out.
till then, i'll just......
xoxo,
aqilahoreth
cause it was you whom i fell in love with
♥ 10:56 PM
Friday, June 28, 2013
suddenly,i feel so alone.
when i thought i had people supporting me, i realise i don't anymore
i have been spending my nights crying.
crying cause i am tired, but i have so many things on my mind that i couldn't get myself to sleep
that's when i felt so stress
then i start breaking down on my own, till i eventually fall asleep
yes, my life isn't as perfect or as easy
and yes, i chose this path cause i want to study
but i've always been telling myself, i have great people supporting me.
all around me
but right now, i am just questioning this
i feel like running away.
since i am such a burden
and i have to do so many things
and you expect me to do so many things
i am not a Robot
i repeat, not a robot okay
i'm still human :'(
still human
this sucks. sometimes being me is just horrible
i don't want to do well
i don't want to do what i do best anymore
if i am being taken advantage of, what's the point?
:'(
cause it was you whom i fell in love with
♥ 11:22 PM
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
well hello dearest bloggers.
no doubt i can never find the time to blog anymore
makes me wonder if i even had any time for myself anymore
i look back, on what i use to have,
those time to do things i want to, for myself.
but now, it cease to exist.
till now, i am in doubts on decisions ive made.
at times, i feel so horrible i would just curl up on my bed and cry myself to sleep
i spend nights wondering what am I doing to myself
i spend days thinking what will happen next if i don't make the right decision
i miss those innocence that we use to have,
to just focus on what is suppose to be focused and everything else will fall into place
but now, it's all about responsibilities, fighting for what you want
nothing seems easy anymore
everything is about juggling
but what if i choose not to?
just what if....
i fight for my rights, for myself.
but when i'm held back, and not being able to do anything,
that's when things are not what it's supposed to be.
honestly, i just miss everything else that i'm not doing
don't ask me what it is, i wish i knew.
trust me
everything is all fragile in bits and pieces.
yet i'm not heard.
oh wells, i'm just uttering bullshit right now prolly
2 weeks since i've been sick and counting.
cheers to getting well.
xoxo,
aqilahoreth
cause it was you whom i fell in love with
♥ 9:50 PM
Thursday, November 29, 2012
hello all!
December is coming this weekend!
which just means that the year is coming to an end :(
there will be a sum up post soonest.
if i have the opportunity to :)
right now, i am going to focus on my assignments and mid years which is just around the corner.
K2 graduation was over on Monday
i can say, i am thankful and grateful being part of the wonderful experience.
i love working with the children
wonder if i'll ever get to work as a teacher again.
i would not know, undetermined future.
but i know i am looking forward to the future.
I am actually thankful for life right now
i am currently pursuing the studies in my interest,
i still am working part time in the childcare, which means more interaction with the children.
i think, working with the children who were of older age, compared to the toddlers i was working with,
has gave me thoughts of working with a group where i can follow up from where they start, till they end.
meaning, 4 years of education with me nurturing them and passing down all that they need to know throughout their preschool years.
wishful thinking. lol
sidetrack a little
how can someone have so much hatred in another person
okay maybe not the hate part
but how can you be friends with someone, and then talk about that person behind their back?
what about having genuine friendship?
isn't that what everyone is looking forward to?
just imagine, and put yourself in another person's shoes, what if it was the other way round
meaning that someone else was talking about you.
wouldn't you hate that?
so shouldn't you be the one not talking about someone else first
i'm not saying that this happened to me
or maybe it did but i'm just trying to be oblivious to it
whatever it is, think, before you hurt someone else.
and stop being so stupid and selfish and ignorant of your surroundings
alright, 4 assignments, 1 mid terms all by the end of the 2nd week of December.
and not to forget, a presentation! :)
good luckkkkkkkk to all the JCU students who are sitting for their papers.
much love,
Aqilah Oreth
cause it was you whom i fell in love with
♥ 3:21 PM
Sunday, November 18, 2012
i think, i am in love with November :)
since last year, my November has been filled with love.
seeing people getting engaged or married
it has always been my joy to share their joy with them
speaking of which, it's a few more months, before i'll be fully involved in one
which is my very own sister's wedding
excited? sorta.
but i know, i'll be missing my sister alot when she is off to venture out in her next chapter of life
my sister
i remember how I am always dependent on her.
we went to the same preschool, primary and even secondary school
and i wished we didn't have to grow up cause i love every moment i get to spend with her
(:
school has been way awesome, i never did regret the decision to go back to school
i love learning about new things,
things that i've always been curious about.
things that is beyond our common knowledge
life has taught me about values that i should not forget
with my family always guiding me, insyAllah
and of course, keeping my faith and prayers to god.
Amin
i've always been praying for a better tomorrow.
anyways, before i sign off,
congratulations to izz and insyirah on their engagement today :)
i'm always the only one left! hahaha
but insyAllah, when i find the right one.
toodles all!
have a great remaining few weeks of 2012 (:
xoxo,
aqilahoreth
cause it was you whom i fell in love with
♥ 9:04 PM
